The church ushers at my church were not known for their unique brand of humor actually just the opposite but every Sunday, as parishioners filed into the pews, the ushers were busy welcoming them with a dash of comedy.
To my young mind the ushers had a knack for turning many of their interactions with parishioners into sidesplitting comical events.
For instance, one Sunday, as the crowd waited in the lobby to be seated ( The choir was starting to sing “The Lord’s Prayer” and you weren’t allowed to enter the sanctuary until after the choir finished singing ) the regular choir director (late again) approached the closed door and began pulling it trying unsuccessfully to enter, The usher held the door firmly closed, looked back once at the director and slowly turned her head back around as if to say “ Not today”. The look of astonishment on that directors face…. What was even more comical was afterwards when the choir finished singing and the doors opened, The usher greeted him as if nothing had happened saying in a cheerful voice “ Good Morning, glad you could make it to service” while handing him the bulletin for that Sunday’s service. The look he shot back, pure venom.
As service began, the ushers continued to amuse and surprise. It was always amazing how no matter how crowded the church was, they always managed to find just enough seats no matter how many people came through the door.
The ushers' antics extended even to the most solemn parts of the service. While the pastor was giving a sermon about the falling from grace and how the devil can "trip" you up, one of the ushers suddenly pretended to trip and fall in the middle of the aisle, eliciting laughter from the entire congregation. The pastor couldn't help but smile and said, "Well, I guess the devil is up to his tricks again, even today!"
The busiest part of the service was always the collection of tithes and offering. The ushers always efficiency turned it into a theatrical performance. They were like conductors of a symphony the way they had everyone stand when time, directed the flow of people going to the alter, to the bathroom (and even those trying to sneak out early..lol) there never seemed to be any confusion , every usher had their station and worked it with precision.
When praise and worship started (commonly known as "Catchin the Holy Ghost " to us kids). You would see the ushers spring into action to keep things under control. From covering up those "fell out" in the spirit or got a little too wild "shouting" and praising God while a little boy in the back pew was seen trying to mimic the energetic dance, much to the delight of his parents..
There were also rules that were strictly enforced that you didn’t want to get caught breaking. Here are just a few.
1. No chewing gum (peppermints were ok for some reason). As a kid we chuckled when an Usher walked quietly up to you and simply held out her hand. Busted! That piece of gum was often your last piece.
2. The middle aisle was usually off limits unless being escorted by an usher (unless it was time to give tithes and offering ) I never could figure that one out.
3. The front row was reserved seating. If you were not escorted there by an usher then you probably don’t belong there.
4. Getting up during the sermon was frowned upon and if you were a child like me getting up more than once was a definite no-no.
Those were just a few of the things I remember about the ushers at my church but what I remember most is the kindness and humility that each usher displayed to everyone that passed through those doors.
During the passing of the peace, Frank gave one gentleman a high-five that echoed throughout the church, causing a ripple of laughter to spread through the congregation.
But it wasn't just Frank who had a knack for humor. Lisa, the youngest usher, had a way of making the most nervous newcomers feel at ease. When a couple, clearly new to the church, entered, Lisa leaned in and whispered, "Don't worry; our pews have been tested for comfort during sermons. We've had zero casualties so far!" The couple laughed, their tension melting away.
The church ushers showed that faith and fun could coexist. They created an atmosphere where the congregation felt not only welcome but also appreciated the humor in life. Sundays were more than just a day of worship; they were a day of shared laughter and spiritual connection.
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